Ok, so we have established that I suck at writing on a regular basis. I really want to, and I have all sorts of ideas, but time, sleep, gym etc all get in the way of me actually sitting down and writing. So, sorry about that!
BUT I finally did it! About a month ago, I finally hit my goal weight of 150!!! It has not been easy, it took longer than I had hoped, but at the end of the day – I FREAKIN DID IT!!!!!
So what now, what’s next? Maintaining, building my strength, setting new goals for myself, that’s what! So far I have maintained my weight, going between 150 and 153, which is just fine. Building strength is still a work in progress after the stupid car accident, but I am working on it!
But what about new goals? Once you hit that number on the scale, what other goals are there? Well, some are physical and some are emotional/mental ones.
Physical are pretty easy to define – I want to build my core strength so that I can finally do push ups on my toes, I want to build my arm/shoulder/neck strength back up to where it was before the accident so I can lift heavy again, I want to be able to balance on the bosu ball and get faster times in races. Physical goals are a lot easier to define than the mental/emotional ones.
No one can prepare you for the emotional side effects of a weight loss journey. People see you and say you look great and you must feel great, and really for the most part I do. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see what they see, I still see an overweight me looking back. I still feel like the “fat friend”.
So these are my other goals, to look in the mirror and see the new me, and to have the confidence in myself that I should have. I am proud of the number on the scale and the smaller number on my clothing sizes, but I don’t see that. Inside me is still obese, and scared to put on a bathing suit in public. I am working on it, and hope to get there someday, but I know it’s going to take time.
I have worked so hard to get here, and the logical side of me knows that everything is fine. The emotional side of me doesn’t get it yet, I still see the flaws…the abs that aren’t perfect, the arms that are still a little soft, the nonexistent butt no matter how many squats I do…I need to get over all of that and celebrate the new me, but it’s hard.
Kari and I were talking about it, I said maybe I just need to constantly stare at my before and after pictures, because the evidence is right there in front of me. So yeah, take pics so you can compare – it’s worth it.
I guess on that note, I should leave you with a before and after pic right? This one amazes me every time I see it, so enjoy!